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Dina Grossman

Short Essay 1

2/14/13

 “DAYUM, these soda addictions are getting real!” this is the opening line for the humorously written article I took from the less than serious news source, Perezhilton.com and rewrote for a serious one, Science Magazine. The original article is written in a humorous way about a lady who drank 10 liters of coke everyday which in the end, killed her. I chose to rewrite this because I almost always write in a very casual, conversational tone. It’s harder for me to write in a formal way so I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to practice. I think it’s important to be able to write in a formal way for a lot of different things. I’m definitely better at writing more creative things, so for this I chose to write it for more of a science magazine focusing on the research and medical components of it. Instead of just talking about what happened, like on Perezhilton.com, I decided to go into more details about why it happened.

original article: http://perezhilton.com/fitperez/2013-02-12-woman-died-from-drinking-10-liters-of-coca-cola-everyday

Coke Costs Lives

Coca-Cola has for a long time been an issue of concern. It was originally developed by John Pemerton, a pharmacist, as a nerve tonic. He died 2 and half years after he created Coke. Coca leaves are the number one ingredients in the drug cocaine. Coke was originally made with 60 milligrams of cocaine till 1903. In 1903 they said they stopped making coke with cocaine but yet they still import large amounts of coca leaves leaving some suspicious. Coke imports 8 tons of Coca leaves from South America every single year.

            Coke isn’t getting that much attention but a recent case has brought attention back. In 2010, Natasha Harris passed away from hypokalemia. Hypokalemia is a disease where the serum potassium concentration is below 3.5 mEg/L. The normal range is between 3.7 and 5.2.  When a person takes in too much fructose they can develop it. Potassium is lost through diarrhea and gastrointestinal potassium wasting. If a person was to drink 4 liters of coke a day they would be getting around 169 milligrams of potassium. An average adult (healthy weight and size) needs around 3.5 grams. The first symptoms start with fatigue and feeling weak.

            Natasha Harris became addicted to Coke. Her family reported after she died that if she hadn’t gotten more than 10 liters a day, she would start going through withdraw like symptoms.  10 liters a day is the same as drinking 2 pounds of sugar and 970 milligrams of caffeine! David Crerar, a partner with Vancouver office of Borden Ladner Gervais who practices civil and commercial litigation, discovered her over drinking of coke caused her to develop cardiac arrhythmia.

Cardiac arrhythmia is a condition where the hearts rhythm isn’t normal. Something is disrupting its normal patterns. Normally, a heart pumps blood. The blood contains things like oxygen, nutrients, immune cells, and it sends these to the bodies organs.  The rhythm at which the blood is being pumped is chosen by the sinoatrial node. The sinoatrial node is located in the right atrium and it is a small region of heart muscle cells. It acts in the same way a pacemaker does but unlike a pacemaker, it is controlled by nerves that circulate hormones. These hormones use control circuits to keep blood pressure at the right place to keep oxygen flowing. There are 6 main parts to the heart. There are two upper and two lower chambers, the atria and the ventricles.

Normally the heart beats to what is referred to as sinus rhythm where each heart beat is generated by the sinoatrial node to produce waves of bioelectricity that go through the upper and lower chambers of the heart at the same time. Each beat goes through the atria and then goes to the atrioventricular to get to the ventricles. This process causes calcium between the cells to produce contractions in the heart that pump the blood into organs of the body.

If the pumping is on time it’ll go at 120-200 milliseconds. This is the proper amount of time for the atrial contraction and ventricular filling to be in sync. A healthy heart has around 75 beats a minute. What happens with an arrhythmias is, there is an abnormal length between pumps. Usually, these aren’t harmful. It just feels like the heart is racing. There are treatments for this that can eliminate irregular heartbeats because it can get worse if the heart is weak. Drinking too much Coke weakens the heart.

In Natashas case, her heart was very much weakened from the intake of all the Coke. Crerar said, “I find that when all the available evidence is considered, were it not for the consumption of very large quantities of Coke by Natasha Harris, it is unlikely that she would have died when she died and how she died.” To this Coke replied, “[Any] grossly excessive ingestion of any food product, including water [is harmful]. We believe that all foods and beverages can have a place in a balanced and  sensible diet combined with an active lifestyle.”

            As far as the lawsuit goes, Coke is throwing other factors in such as her smoking 30 cigarettes per day and is rejecting responsibility for causing Harris’s death. Coke, however, has claimed that anything in excessiveness can cause illness.

Works Cited

Crerar, David. "David A. Crerar." BLG Home. N.p., n.d. Web. 14 Feb. 2013. <http://www.blg.com/en/home/our-professionals/Pages/Crerar-David.aspx>.

Felton, Flavio H., and  1. "Cardiac arrhythmia - Scholarpedia." Scholarpedia. N.p., n.d. Web. 14 Feb. 2013. <http://www.scholarpedia.org/article/Cardiac_arrhythmia>.

Mayo Clinic Staff. "Heart arrhythmias - MayoClinic.com." Mayo Clinic. N.p., n.d. Web. 14 Feb. 2013. <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/heart-arrhythmias/DS00290>.

Weiblatt, Victoria. "Too Much Soda & Potassium Levels | LIVESTRONG.COM." LIVESTRONG. N.p., n.d. Web. 14 Feb. 2013. <http://www.livestrong.com/article/544525-too-much-soda-potassium-levels/>.

Review by Jordyn Theisen:

1. What is the original story, audience, and purpose? What is the new

audience and/or purpose.

The original story is about a girl who died from too much intake of coke. The

audience is people who read Perez Hilton and like gossip magazines or blogs

and the purpose is to inform/entertain (write a shocking story). The new

audience is more sophisticated, scientific/medical people and the purpose is

to inform about hypokalemia (what the woman died from).

2. How is the change in audience and/or purpose reflected in the

rewriting of the piece?

Including the definition of hypokalemia, what its symptoms are, and how

you get it reflects the change in audience and/or purpose. She also informs

the readers on Coca Cola’s history and how it caused the woman to get

hypokalemia.

3. What is the single best thing that could be added to the introduction?

Maybe a few-sentence summary about what the article you read was about

and then how you’re going to change it to appeal to the more serious site.

Also a direct link to the story and not just Perez Hilton’s site would be

helpful.

4. In what other ways might the piece better target its new audience and/

or purpose?

Could go further in depth about the potential lawsuit by the family or the

claims the doctor made that it was Coca Cola’s fault, but otherwise it has a lot

of scientific information and sounds serious.

5. Any additional comments?

You could state what new site this audience is for (like is it for a medical

journal or law journal). Also a title is needed.

Peer Review by Hannah Szabo

1.) ---Original story: Somewhat humerous article about a women who died due to

her abnormally high daily Coke intake

---Original audience: women (or men) who follow short, advice, entertaining articles

and blogs on perezhilton.com

---Original purpose: entertain reader with uncommon news stories. The story was

found under the “fitperez” tab, so its purpose may also be to encourage healthy, non

soda-drinking habits

---New story: Very formal article about Coke’s nutritional values and impact of Coke

on the human body. Includes a reference to a women who died drinking too much

Coke

---New audience: Science-minded people who subscribe to a science magazine

---New purpose: Inform intelligent readers of the shocking effects of Coke and

illustrate these findings with a recent news story of a woman who died drinking

Coke

2.) The change in writing is very obvious to note. The new story includes a plethora

of scienfic nutrition information related to the human body. Additionally it is

written in a more structured and serious tone. Rather than being read in a light-

hearted manner, the new article is intended for magazine subscribers to learn

valuable data

3.) The intro successfully captured the project of the author, but perhaps a more

catching opening sentence would improve the essay

4.) The piece better targets its new audience with a new purpose due to the articles

increased content. The original article provided only basic information regarding

the Coke-obsessed (now dead) woman. The new article takes much more time

developing the health and nutritional facts about Coke.

5.) This was really interesting. I like the switch you are taking from totally chill

article to totally serious article.